


So Bad(I Want You)

by In_Hind_Sight



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Depressed Eren Yeager, Eren Yeager Has Issues, Eren Yeager Loves Levi, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Jearmin if you squint, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Is a Sweetheart, Levi Loves Eren Yeager, M/M, Smut, rivaere - Freeform, sortof?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-03 22:35:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12757524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/In_Hind_Sight/pseuds/In_Hind_Sight
Summary: Everyone has these indescrible wants that constantly gnaw at them, some ignore them, some lock them away in a box to look upon at times.In Eren's case his box is filled to the seams so much he must empty out it's contents or he risks the chance of it bursting.





	1. So Bad(I Want You)

**Author's Note:**

> Song- So Bad By Brandon Skeie

 

There are things Eren Yeager wishes for, things that bother him.

Things that no doubt shouldn't even exist, events that shouldn't have even _happened_ , things that shouldn't _still_ be happening. Things that _need_ to end.

But he can't help but feel selfish, he's still wanting more from these things, so much that it eats at him repeatedly to deny his own wants. It makes him feel regretful and greedy and just plain confused about what he's even wanting.

He's still a brat after all. A brat with heavy responsibilities that keep him from dreaming about the things he wants, isolating himself from them. Taking those things he wants and putting them aside for the greater good like the adult Humanity's Hope is expected to be. Tucking these things away and hiding them.

But Eren is still a brat nonetheless and he's already known for being terrible at keeping his aspirations under control and can't always keep these secret wishes locked away.

Maybe that's a good thing.

"Eren- Eren! Oh my goodness Eren be careful!"

Armin quickly takes hold of his wrist, the hand Eren had been using to peel the potato in front of him is stopped from making anymore movement. His friend is looking at him both worried and relieved as he retracts his hand back to where he'd hurriedly placed his own knife and potato. But taking Eren's as he deems his friend far too distracted to utilise such a sharp object.

His voice is almost scolding, making him sound more mature as he speaks "Eren, please don't zone out like that when handling a knife, especially with your ability I highly doubt Corporal Levi would appreciate coming back to a destroyed kitchen with a 15-meter raging titan, he'll probably be exhausted from his journey."

Corporal Levi- Levi.

Eren ducks his head a bit, at the thought of causing his best friend trouble, or more importantly his superior officer "Sorry Armin, I was distracted."

Armin suddenly turns his head to face him, studying his friend's expression, noticing the familiar distraught tone all to well. He stops his hands mid-way through their movements "Are you alright? Do you need to talk about it?" The blonde's slightly annoyed tone, vanished and replaced with the reassuring voice Eren knows.

After a few more moments of his silence, Armin spoke up again, "If you don't want to talk about it, you really don't have to... But of course, if you've getting so distracted that you nearly turned into your titan- of course if you're uncomfortable you can always tell me later of course, I don't really mind."

Eren leans forwards, resting his elbows on his knees as he placed his face into his hands, voice muffled into them "I just really don't know.." He speaks aloud, neither to himself or Armin, he really just doesn't know.

He decides he'll tell Armin, but of course Armin does before him.

"Is it about the Corporal?" Armin asks, his ocean-blue eyes trained on his work in front of him.

Armin's question hits the nail right directly on the head but Eren really can't find himself to be shocked at his best friend's inhuman mind-reading skills anymore. He really shouldn't, after all Armin's a complete genius and he's always been easy to read anyways. Or so he's been told.

He begins to rub his temples gently, "I really am such a brat, Armin" he mumbled. Watching as the blonde cocks his head, an almost terrified expression written over his face.

"Oh no- did you and Captain Levi.. fight?"

Eren and Captain Levi could were both frightening people when angry, and if they had perhaps faught- Armin doesn't even want to know what would happen to the Special Ops Squad's state after the result of a lover's quarrel.

Armin knows about Eren and Levi's relationship and had been one of the first to find out about him and Corporal Levi's extremely confidential relationship. Having accidentally witnessed an affectionate (fortunately innocent) exchange between the two.

But afterwards, Armin had explained to Eren he'd always had the slightest suspicion about the two of them anyways, so he hadn't been _totally_ surprised.

Plus Armin is Eren's Best friend and the amount of wisdom he contains in that little head of his is unreal, so of course he would've known.

He knows he can tell Armin anything. So he's going to say it.

Eren's head raises up as he looks back to Armin, who's eyes scan his expression waiting for an explanation or an answer to his question.

He's going to open these things he's locked away, but only temporarily and only just a crack, he's not considering emptying it out just yet.

Eren's green eyes avert, studying the (very) clean stone tiles in front of him as he speaks, "Armin.... have you ever, just-just felt like a child?" he made a dual gesture with his hands "Like, you have this want that makes you feel completely stupid and childish... but you can't help it and it's almost like it eats you up inside to keep it hidden"

He hears Armin let out a small chuckle beside him, "Oh Eren, that's just part of human nature, believe it or not we _all_ have those moments"

This information didn't significantly help Eren, he switched his attention from the tiles to the window outside where he could see Horseface Jean and Connie arguing in front of the stables, he felt Armin's eyes follow.

He breathed, regaining focus "I know that Armin, but it's not just wanting to spoil myself on junk food or something like that, I..." He trailed off, wondering how to exactly word it without getting into _too_ much detail, he wasn't opening the lid _that_ wide.

Armin gave him a sympathetic look as he noticed his friend's struggling, "If it's too hard to tell me exactly, just give me a general idea of it"

Eren nods as the word comes to mind, but he really feels like the brat Levi's constantly calling him as he translates his thoughts into words-

"Attention, I guess"

He looks up, expecting to see the blonde trying to conceal a giggle, sporting a smile or trying to hide some form of amusement. Eren already knows how stupid he must sound.

But he's not, instead Eren is met with the sight of Armin's head tilted towards the ceiling, a lone finger placed on his chin, appearing deep in thought. Eren swears he sees Armin's eyes avert to the window for a split second.

After a moment Armin speaks again, "Well, I can only assume this lack of attention comes from the fact you and the Corporal always keep what you two have behind closed doors. Correct?"

Eren nods, "It doesn't help that, Levi- Captain is the way he is," he sighs, running a hand through his messy dark brown locks in frustration, "I can never understand what he's feeling, I can't even tell if he cares.... It's just so- hard you know?"

Armin nods in understanding, but in reality he really finds himself quite stumped, he stays silent, even resuming to finish peeling the potato he'd forgotten about momentarily, Eren just played with the strings on his shirt, waiting for a response.

The kitchen was silent for afew minutes, the only sounds being the occasional scraping of the knife's blade making contact with the potato's surface and the distant shouting and arguing of the cadets outside. Leaving Eren to get shrouded in his own thoughts.

His mind immediately goes to him and Levi.

Eren and the Captain's relationship had always been very complicated, hard to understand, and just plain messy, something both of them couldn't tolerate to a certain extent. But they'd somehow been attracted to eachother nonetheless.

_Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman. Cadet Eren Yeager._

_Humanity's Strongest Soldier. Humanity's Last Hope._

_The Guard Dog. The Pet project._

_A Captain. His Subordinate._

_A man of elite power and a hard to control titan shifter_

What kind of bad joke was that?

Their relationship made no sense, the feelings they held for eachother made no sense, hell the fact that they were even acquaintances was an absolutely preposterous idea to fathom.

So how was it that they both wanted eachother, not just sexually, but (dare he say) romantically as well?

Eren knows Levi has his own worries about their relationship as well, he's not oblivious and they've talked about it before. One issue being the very noticeable age gap but also their positions. They weren't supposed to be this close. It was wrong, illegal and to some, just downright disgusting.

Yet, the things Eren wants, the things he keeps hidden under the surface, they're even more so.

He, Eren Yeager has become greedy of Levi Ackerman's attention.

They're already in a far from understandable relationship with their feelings sporadically located all over the place. The only reason they'd even consider eachother lovers is based off of the minimal amount of affection shared between them, the value they hold for one another, the fact that if either of them were to die, it is assured that the other definitely wouldn't be 100% completely okay.

At least that's Eren's reasons.

Captain Levi has not become any less unreadable than he had been when they had first met in that dingy cell underneath the courthouse. He was still exactly like a closed book written in an undiscovered language, a complete mystery, even after already being in this 'relationship' for a good 5 months (give or take).

But Eren's determined, he wants to know absolutely everything about Levi's character. He wants to be the one that the Corporal can depend on, he wants to be seen as that 'special' person to him. He has the hidden longing to wake up in the Corporal's arms, instead falling asleep in them and awakening to that dark, cold, lonely cell that he's used too doing.

Eren is young but he knows that what he feels for Captain Levi is more than just the hero-worship crush anymore it had previously been. What he feels for Corporal and what he wants in return is most definitely-

The brunette shakes his head, quickly getting rid of the thought, he doesn't want to even think about it.

Corporal may value him slightly more than the other members of his squad. But Eren _knows_ he doesn't harbor that type of insane feeling towards him, the stubborn suicidal brat from the 104th who is so unstable that he can't even get a grip of his shifting powers.

Eren may have been in Levi's bed before, he may have snuck off to fool around with him, he may have even been allowed to have sacred sips of Levi's own black tea.

But he'll never understand those intricate chains that are Lance Corporal Levi's emotions.

He will never be allowed into that icy,cold heart that he so desperately wants the most.

"Errhm....."

His thoughts were shaken at the sound of Armin's humming, bringing him back to surface his attention. The sound signifying that the blonde had a response to what Eren had said earlier. Ocean-green clouding back into focus as he looked at his friend.

"Well," The blonde began, "I definitely don't know Captain Levi more than you would, that's for sure... But from the way I see it, Corporal surely favors you more than the rest of your squad. I know that, with the way he always call on you, and judging from what I've heard from Hanji, I'm sure Corporal admires you a lot more than you're giving him credit for...."

Eren sighed, resting his head in his palm, "I already know these things, Armin." He says, although he's choosing to go ignoring the last statement, if anything Eren gives Levi too much credit not the other way around, " And trust me, Hanji is not a valuable source to get information from"

This made Armin giggle a bit, "I guess you'd be right, but anyways I think you should talk to him about it, it's good to talk about these kind of things face-to-face, I would think"

Eren nodded, although unsure if talking about it would make things any better, after all, these were a shitty brat's wishes and when he said shitty he meant _shitty_ , "Maybe..." he murmured.

The blonde gave him a smile as he shifted all the objects he held into one hand giving him a pat on the back, which disturbingly reminded Eren of a certain horseface, but he couldn't say anything as Armin had begun talking again.

"Anyways, Corporal Levi is coming back tonight right?"  
  


 

He might have been able to tell him. But just as what he'd expected  when Levi did return that evening, they hadn't even made it through the cell door without subdueing the need to feel one another's skin after their separation.

"Corp- there, Levi!" Eren cried out, gripping onto the alluded's wrist so tight it was definitely suffocating the veins, effectively cutting off the circulation. Eren's head, without fail, continued to be fused against the cheap bed's headboard, titan-healing powers be damned, if it weren't for the conveniently placed pillow to help cushion each impact, he'd surely have a serious concussion.

The brunette's gasps and moans along with the creaking of the bed and the sounds of the sheets rustling continually broke the silence of the dark,musty cell, only available light source being the light coming from the torch Levi had brought down that now currently hung on the wall.

"Fuck, Eren," Levi growled out, "You've always been tight, but only after not doing it for a week straight and you're already like this.." as he spoke, it managed to be the exact same moment he had found Eren's prostrate, causing the green-eyed beauty let out a series of high-pitched cries as Levi continually hit that spot.

"Shit." the older man ground out.

the weight of Eren's entire lower body was hoisted off of the bed by Levi while he gave it to him from above, his legs being spread wide apart by Levi's strapping arms as he challenged for him to enter deeper. His moans gradually became louder and Levi's pace become more erratic as they both neared climax.

"Levi... please... please..." He whined in a voice he'd never use (or ever would) with anyone that wasn't the man above him.

Their meshed bodies kept like that until both shuddered into their orgasms, almost at the exact same time. Eren's completion triggering the Corporal's as they both groaned each other's name roughly.

When Levi came back down from his high, he slowly pulled out, enjoying the way his release dripped out of the brunette and painted golden thighs. If he had the energy the raven-haired man undoubtedly would've already started taking him again but he was already exhausted from his long journey.

He located his trousers and pulled them on, " m'just getting some stuff to clean up." he explained as he usually did, Eren just nodded, chest still slick with sweat and heaving as his breathing had yet to return to normal along with his rapid-fire heartbeat.

When Levi returned, he came back with a basin of water and a towel, cleaning off the sticky mess on Eren and the fluid inside that proceeded to drip lewdly out of him. Once finished he set the not-as-clean-as-before towel and basin down on the floor near the foot of the bed, promising himself he'd bring it when he'd leave to go to his quarters.

He lay down next to the spent brunette, pulling the sheets over the both of them before he wrapped and arm around the boy to pull Eren's naked back still damp from sweat against himself.

Like always, they never spoke in the post-haze of these intimate moments, there was nothing to be said. They sat in the silence that was surrounding them in the cold and damp cell.

Eren mindlessly drew circles with his thumb around the hand that the Corporal held him with, feeling the rough skin that came from years experience of handling the gear. He couldn't talk to Levi now, they were both still in the midst of regaining their composure and especially with Levi tired and just returning back from the Capital, there would be no reassurance that the conversation would run smoothly.

Instead he said something else, speaking the wish quietly as if he was afraid he'd be turned away which was highly unlikely as he asked this every time they spent a usual night like this together.

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

He swears he'd dreamed the Captain's forearm was tightening around him.

"Of course, Eren." 

 

 

Eren stirred his oatmeal around, positive that the incredibly bland formula was no longer at the piping hot state it had once been, after having been stared at for so long in disinterest.

His morning had started off the same as always, he'd woken up in his cot cold and alone, Levi had long been gone, leaving as soon as the younger boy had fallen asleep, as always he'd kept his promise.

He hated it.

This selfish feeling once again, crawling around inside of him like some parasite, making him feel sick all over. Did he not already have enough? He had the Corporal's attention, whether it was just plainly sexual or not he still had it nonetheless.

But even with his objections, he still knows that what he really wants is the Corporal's feelings to be that unspeakably word that he continues to deny himself even thinking about for the second time in the last 24 hours. If he thinks it, he'll start getting hopeful, which will only make it harder when it cannot be proven true no matter what angle he views it from.

Eren distracts himself from thinking anymore by finally eating a spoonful of his lukewarm (gross) breakfast, is it even oatmeal anymore? He swears that they've been eating the same batch for the last week as he can no longer even feel the individual grains in his mouth from how overcooked it tastes.

But he eats it as he can feel the familiar sharp tingling sensation on his back that says that his lack of doing nothing but not eating and quietly staring at his breakfast has caused Captain Levi to become suspicious as it's his sharp gaze he can feel, those gunmetal eyes digging into his back that he doesn't dare look back to meet.

The gaze he does meet though is the ocean-blue orbs from across the table that has that all too recognizable look of sympathy written in it.

Eren meets Armin later, their laundry duty times fortunately had overlapped, giving them the opportunity to talk once again. Eren tells the blonde as they wash the laundry about his inability to tell the Corporal what he's been feeling, like Armin had told him to do. His flushed face giving his friend all the information he needed to know to not push the subject of why any further.

"You really should tell him the next chance you two get alone," Armin says pulling out a shirt -that looks vaguely like a certain horseface's but Eren isn't really paying that much attention so he's not sure- and dipping it into the water "As I said, I don't think it would be healthy for either of you if this is really bothering you that much" he hands Eren the dripping shirt, who cringes at handling it and drops the wet article into the basket for the clothes to be hung up.

But he agrees with Armin, he really should tell Levi and get it out of the way intentionally instead of letting it slip out on accident at a later date when he's so deep in he can't even get himself out anymore.

Determined, he decides he _will_ tell Levi the next time they are alone.

The opportunity comes later that day, when Eren notices the Captain's absence during supper, later finding out from Squad Leader Hanji imforming him that the Corporal is incredibly busy with paperwork and asking the young boy if he wouldn't mind taking some food up for him, which of course he obliges.

That is how Eren finds himself approximately 20 minutes later infront of said superior's door, still debating whether or not he should just put the tray of quickly cooling food, knock on the door and make a run for it as fast as he can, forgetting all about this being open with his feelings thing. He almost considers this, no matter how ridiculous the idea sounds because he really doesn't want to do this.

_You know what? Maybe Armin not's even that smart_ he thinks, maybe this'll be the one time he's wrong and the road leading to sorting out his -dare he call it- love life is by using another tactic. Maybe there's another way.

Then again this is Armin Arlert, so most likely maybe not.

He takes a deep breath, trying to regain the confidence he'd had afew hours back when discussing this plan with his friend. This helps him a little bit.

Before he can let any other negative thoughts invade his tiny newfound courage, he knocks.

He hears a faint, 'Who is it?' from behind the wooden door.

"It's Eren, Sir. Hanji sent me up to bring you some dinner."

He has to strain his ears but he manages to make out Captain Levi's curt order to come in, he maneuvers the tray in his hand a bit before it allows him to grasp the door's handle and push it open. Somehow, magically not spilling any of the contents of the tray.

The Corporal's room is just how it's always been, so clean it's sparkling, everything neatly arranged, this of course being aside from the fact that Levi did not have a lot of possessions so he didn't have any clutter.

Eren made his way over to Captain Levi's desk, hoping his hands weren't shaking as much as he felt they were.

"Good evening, Sir" the subordinate calmly said to his superior, only recieving a hum in response not sure if Levi had heard exactly what he said as he hadn't looked up at all since Eren had walked in, his gunmetal eyes still trained on whatever document was in front of him.

Eren wants Levi to look at him.

The brunet sets the tray onto the empty space on the desk, the cutlery rattling a bit as it makes contact with the hard wood. But even then, Captain Levi still doesn't look up at the noise.

It's now or never.

"Uh... Sir, um...Levi,"

The Captain's piercing grey eyes flicker up to him for a split second before looking back at his papers, "Yes?" he answers although Eren can tell he's not really paying that much attention.

"I-I wanted to talk to you about something..."

The Corporal cocks an eyebrow, "Is it important?"

"Uh," Eren hesitates at hearing Levi's tone, "a bit"

Captain Levi gives a small sigh which effectively helps in taking a jab at his barely there confidence, "Alright, give me a moment to finish these papers" he gestures towards the couch "Sit down and wait for me over there" his tone growing softer.

So Eren went and sat, silently rehearsing about what he was going to say, he was slowly becoming more sure that Levi wouldn't be upset. They were in a relationship after all, right?

_This is good, this is good_ he kept repeating to himself in a silent mantra.

It was around ten minutes before Captain Levi turned to face him, having finished a pile of documents, another unfinished pile sitting close next to him, "You wanted to talk about something?" His superior expectantly asked, gunmetal eyes locked with sea-green.

Eren nodded, "Yes, I just wanted to..." He trailed off, fiddling with the lock as he began having last-second doubts under his own self-pressure.

Levi was still staring at him, but he knew if he stalled to long the Corporal would become annoyed, he liked to know the facts as they were and didn't like to be kept from anything.

Clearing his throat, the brunette decided that he was going to do it, he had to man up and step up to the plate,

"Levi..." He started, looking straight at the man he had gotten to know the past few months, the Levi who'd helped agreed to take responsibility for him, in saving him from the military police who'd immediately grab at the first oppurtunity to fire that bullet into his head, the Levi who'd protected him from his own squad's blades when they'd turned against him, the Levi who hadn't hesitated to help him cope in the aftermath of that very event.

More importantly, this was the Levi that he'd somehow forged a relationship with and not just any relationship a _romantic_ relationship. They'd snuck off into the halls to make out, gone even further when they'd be in a more secluded area. Eren had learned pieces of Levi's personal life and vice versa. There was nothing he should be afraid of.

So with vigor, he lifted the box open, letting all of it's objects be seen and viewed and judged by this one person, emptying some of it's contents.

"How do you feel about me?" He asks.

The gunmetal eyes that gaze upon him flash a different emotion that Eren has ever seen nor can he even describe, much less understand. He watches as Captain Levi sits back in his chair, his expression strangely suspicious, "What's this about?"

"Huh?" Eren said, he couldn't believe it.

Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman was _avoiding_ the question.

Saying the denied subordinate felt hurt was a huge understatement, why _why_ is Levi avoiding the question? Surely there must be something wrong with the question, maybe he had phrased it wrong, he replayed back what he'd just spoken to be sure in case it was, but found nothing outrightly concerning with the inquiry he'd uttered.

Eren felt slightly annoyed, feeling emotion begin to bubble underneath the surface of his skin "Well don't I have the right to know? We are in a relationship, aren't we _Captain?"_ He'd be lying to say he hadn't noticed Levi's visible flinch especially with the way he'd said it, Eren knows Levi doesn't like it when he addresses him by his title and not by his given name (unless used as a term of endearment).

Recollecting himself he settles his elbows onto the armrests of his chair, he knits his own hands together as he contemplates Eren's questions, "I suppose" he agrees

"You suppose?" the younger man says incredously, "What's that supposed to mean?" he pushes.

"What?" Levi asks, Eren can feel that familiar feeling of himself start to lose his calm, his irritation at his superior rapidly growing, "You sound so unsure," he starts, "It's like you were not aware that we were in one before I actually asked you"

"No, you just never confirmed that we _are_ in one"

Eren placed both of his hands on his temples, "Oh Maria, don't tell me this entire time- what did you think we were? Fuck buddies? What did you think _I_ was, just your whore?"

Levi's discomfort at the last phrase is evident as his eyes flash again,"Eren calm down. I just deemed it would be safe to never call it that, given what the current situation is"

"Oh and what situation is that?" The brunet's voice is laced with sarcasm.

Levi gestured by holding up a finger, his voice becoming stern, his look irritated "Firstly, look at the positions we're in I'm your superior officer, you're my subordinate, that looks bad enough already, don't ya think?" He sharply flicked out a second finger, "Secondly, i'm over _30_ while you're here being a 15 year old brat. Although that has to be the least of our worries when lastly" the raven-haired man held a final finger up, "While we are in the middle of a fucking war adding to all the fucking things I just stated, we have to keep this 'relationship' exclusively under wraps, one slip-up and it could end both of us"

Eren feels very unwelcome tears prick the corners of his eyes at the tone of voice his Corporal uses at him, he narrowly dodges an oncoming voice crack when he says, "So you don't want this," he makes a gesture between the two of them "Whatever the hell this is?"

Once Levi has realized the state Eren is in, his eyes soften a bit, "No I'm not saying that," He says calmly, "I just don't think it would be safe to call it that"

The young boy's rage has become so apparent that he doesn't even both to try and hide it while he raises his voice to speak his next sentence "Safe? So you're doing this to keep _you_ from getting hurt- or better yet to keep _you're_ position steady? It would be really terrible if the commander found out about this wouldn't it? What would happen to you if they found out you couldn't keep it in your pants because of some stupid brat, huh?"

Eren could see how Levi grit his teeth at his blunt terms, if he weren't so upset Eren knows he wouldn't be able to say such things so shamelessly but his anger was quickly making him lose all of his remaining common sense.

Levi was glaring hard at him now, his gunmetal eyes evoking sparks of silver and platinum as he too tried to conceal his rage, "I'm doing this for _you,_ fucking brat, don't you think that the military police would be at your heels if they found out that you're connected to someone of such high rank that they would immediately suspect you of infiltration or some crap?"

"What a fucking load of bull _shit_ " Eren spat, feeling his hand grip onto the armrest nearest to him, nails digging into the fabric as he clenched it into a fist.

"Excuse me? You're saying _I'm_ the one talking bullshit?" Levi inhaled sharply, "Who the fuck is the brat that came in here to bother me when they most likely know how much work I have, hm? Coming up here just so they can bitch to me about whether I feel for them or not, who did that?" the older man pointed at himself, "Because I'm no brat, I don't need to be told about how you feel about me"

Eren honestly couldn't believe this guy right now. This was supposed to be important to him and _Levi_ didn't even give a flying fuck that Eren was on the verge of bursting into tears. regardless of whatever fucked up relationship they were in Levi would always just see him as some worthless brat, only pretty now that he was young and beautiful, maybe-maybe that's why Levi tolerated him the way he did, because of his body.

The mere notion of the idea makes Eren want to vomit.

And scream, because he, Eren Yeager will _not_ be treated like some pretty doll, like some caged bird just sitting in that small prison to be some decorative piece.

He feels himself seeth, his anger (along with the now wide-opened box) burning as Levi lights the match, "You fucking _bastard_ ," the brunette notices how Levi's eyes set aflame, however he's no longer afraid as he can see nothing but his blind rage,"You wanna know how I feel about you?"

Corporal Levi uses his arms to push himself off the chair, he stands up, making himself tower over Eren who is still sitting, yet to get up. Levi challenges him, "Oh? Tell me about how you _really_ feel about me"

Eren too pushes himself off of the couch, not about to let himself get intimidated, he feels his own tone grow incredibly harsh, "I think you're a selfish fuck who only cares about his own damn needs!" He raises his pointer finger, "You don't care about how other people feel so you insist on being cold and cruel just to satiate yourself. You only want the best so you-" The younger boy's voice betrays him as he feels it crack, tears once again threatening to pour from his eyes, he shakes his head deciding not to finish the disgusting thought, instead his mind choosing to say the next thing-

His voice croaked, "You don't care, you don't... about me-about anyone for that matter" the brunette couldn't help but let a single tear roll down his cheek.

He couldn't help it, his chest hurt, everything hurt it all _ached_. And Eren knew why, just _why why_ did it have to be this guy, the most cruel, most heartless man he'd ever met, the one who he'd looked up to since he was a child. The one who'd beaten him up in court as an act to help save him, the one who'd leave him in that cold, dark basement right after he'd fallen asleep with nothing but torturous heartache.

Levi didn't even look at him as he rose a hand to his own face, pinching the bridge of his nose as he felt the last of his temper snap, "Eren, look at the situation we're in! Find some reason in that thick skull of yours that we're in a fucking war here! I can't be everything you want, I specifically told you this before this entire thing started, stop treating me like the bad guy here and cut me some fucking slack!"

Eren couldn't hold the tears back as they streamed down his face while he yelled, "You fucking jerk!"

"I'm not forcing you to do any of this, if you don't like go fucking find someone else to shit out all of your hormonal teenage urges too!"

"I will! You fucking twisted perverted old man!" Eren sobbed into his sleeve as he rushed out of the room unable to be in it anymore without the having the clawing need to suffocate. He knows he hurt Levi, even if it was only a sentence he knows that it has always upset Levi when words like that are mentioned, he's told Eren about how guilty he's felt about being in this kindof relationship with him being so much older than Eren who's still so young.

But he doesn't care, he shouldn't care, not someone who doesn't care about him in return.

Shouldn't care that every single touch from Levi has always left him burning, how whenever his ocean-green orbs make contact with gunmetal irises his stomach suddenly becomes filled with butterflies. He can't help that every time Levi whispers in his ear it gives him shivers, how every little kiss from Levi causes electric sparks to take over his being, makes him yearn for the older man more that he already does.

Eren leans against the wall near his cell, clutching the area of his shirt that lay atop his heart because it hurts it fucking _hurts_ to know that there is no way now that Levi could feel the same way about him, a shitty, insufferable brat who can't even keep his erupting emotions in check _._

He'd changed into his pajamas later, definitely not interested in doing anything else during the evening. He must've laid there for about a half hour before he heard the familiar rattling of his cell door as someone closed and locked it. Eren abruptly turns to face the door, almost expecting to see Levi but is met with the sight of another Special Ops Squad member, Gunthur.

Gunthur looks at him worriedly, beginning to apologize "Sorry sorry, I thought you were sleeping. Captain Levi told me that he's unable to lock you up tonight so he asked me too"

Eren waved him off, of course Levi would use his stupid work as an excuse to not see him, "It's okay, I was just about to anyway" It was a lie though, he knew for certain that he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight, at least not a substantial amount as the aching in his heart would be there keeping him company.  
  
  


 

Of course, he woke up alone that next morning, the pain in his chest not making any progress in subsiding. But Eren guesses he should be getting used to falling asleep alone as well as other things.

The box is pretty much irreplaceable now, the key lost and the contents scattered everywhere. Although Eren is by no means in a rush to pick them all up and fix it. It's better off to just get a new one, though this time he won't fill it so much. He's also just going to lock it and throw away the key, the things are better never being shown to anyone anyways.

Or so he's learned, and he's _learned_.

He's just thanking the walls, that today he was scheduled beforehand to spend the entire day with Hanji and her squad for experimentation purposes.

He was even more relieved to find out later that the Corporal had chosen not to supervise today as he had explained how he wanted to lead a new training technique with the rest of his squad. Hanji was the one who had told Eren this, among other things because at a point during the day the eccentric squad leader had noticed Eren's lack of determination and had gotten the upset brunette to tell her everything that happened, which was nice being that Hanji was another one of the very few people who had known about Eren and Levi's more than superior and subordinate relationship.

He remembered a lot of things about the conversation, but there was one thing that stood out the most to him-

_"As far as I know, Levi has never been in a relationship before and he's never been one for romance as if that wasn't obvious enough"_

He hadn't known about that, he'd always figured Corporal had had past lovers. Eren had already known he wasn't the first person Levi's ever taken, but is he really the first person Levi's had the first romantic relationship with? The thought make's the brunette's heart flutter. It's stupid really, considering the status he and the Captain are at right now.

But here, at the end of the day, lying in his hardly comfortable bed, he can't help but feel like his yearning for Levi has gotten significantly worse. It's even worse than before, worse than it had been during last week when Levi had been absent. Eren tried to push it out of his mind, but he knew he couldn't, the gravitational pull was too strong, the pain cut too deep, Eren knows why, he admits it.

Eren Loves Levi.

Hopelessly in love with Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman, Humanity's Strongest Soldier, The Guard Dog.... A Captain, A man of such Elite power-

_Levi._

Eren feels his heart give an immense throb.

Suddenly, he once again hears the recognizable rattle of the bars used to make his cell. Signifying that someone was making movement with the door. Eren suspects it's another one of the members from Levi's Squad as he knows the Captain's probably still making excuses not wanting to talk to him or look at him.

Then he feels the end of bed dip on the diagonal towards his feet, as if someone were sitting on it. Which Eren finds a bit odd, maybe it's Petra wanting to have a talk with him having also noticed his morose attitude, although wouldn't she have just done that when he'd seen her upstairs?

Furrowing his brows and curious, Eren lifts his head to turn towards the mystery person, but nothing can prepare him for when he sees Levi sitting there, his back slouched and eyes downcast, focusing his gunmetal eyes onto the cell's (probably dirty) floor.

Their eyes meet when Levi feels Eren's confused gaze, having failed at giving him an explanation as to why he was there, however not soon after, the older man averts his stare. But Eren sits up, suddenly feeling that it might be a bit rude to lie down and stare at him if Captain Levi had something important to say.

"What is it? Do you have something for me to do?" Eren asks, somehow pushing aside the previous night, in case The Corporal is just here to give him an order that he had missed that day since he had been elsewhere with Hanji's Squad. He's surprised his voice comes out as clearly as it does without stuttering.

Levi looks at him again, grey eyes scanning his expression before shaking his head, "No I..." Levi drags out his sentence and Eren feels like he should write this down or document this because never in his time being in the Survey Corps had Eren heard Levi leave a sentence hanging like he's doing right now.

But his thoughts of categorizing this moment are abruptly halted when Levi suddenly places a gentle reassuring hand onto his ankle, hesitating a split second before as if worried that Eren might not want Levi touching him.

Levi starts speaking, this time his sentence is more sure"Eren, I'm sorry for yesterday," he says "I know you probably worked a lot of courage to ask that question and I was a huge asshole about it, I'm so sorry"

Eren's been called clueless on many different occasions in his life and he sortof believed he was. But he's not clueless enough to think or even _hope_ that Levi would be the one to apologize first (or at all even). After all, wouldn't it make more sense if Eren were the one to apologize? He was the one to approach Levi, lose his temper, and cause the entire fight in the first place including the fact that he had chosen one of the worst times to do it too.

Plus he had stepped over countless boundaries and insulted the older man in a way that he knew it would hit him where it really hurts.

It wasn't even entirely Levi's fault but he still had the integrity to make things right like the strong adult he was.

All at once the realization hits Eren like a horse drawn cart fleeing from titans.

Levi cares about him.

The brunette feels his ocean-green eyes well up with tears, why had he decided to ask anyways? The memories from last night flood his mind once again and he can't help let out a choked sob when he sees Levi look at him worriedly and Eren can't help but lunge forward and wrap his arms around his lover's neck.

More tears and cries are forced out of him as he feels the dark-haired man wrap his arms around his middle and pull Eren into his lap, holding the younger boy against him as if their embrace is the only thing keeping him from falling apart.

Eren sobs into his shoulder, "I-I'm-I'm so- sorry L-Levi," a hand comes up to pat his hair, calming his voice, Eren tries to bury himself more into Levi's shoulder while he sniffs "I-I'm sorry ab-about the awful things I said" He clutches the man tighter, "I know I hurt your feelings, I couldn't have been more than a brat than I was then!"

Eren can't help but cry more as he remembers all the things he'd said, the _terrible_ things that he knew must've hurt Levi more than the older man was letting on, it made him feel _awful ,_ "I'm so sorry!"

They sit in silence for a few moments, reveling in eachother's closeness and warmth, just _holding_ eachother. The only sounds being Eren's sniffs as he tries to calm himself down.

It's not to long when Levi begins talking again, calmly rubbing swirled designs into the younger's back, "I've never been in a relationship before," Levi quietly confesses to Eren, "I have no idea have no idea how to do anything even close to romance, last night was terrible when I couldn't go to sleep because I kept seeing your crying face everytime I tried closing my eyes, I had no idea how to comfort you and I knew there was no way you wanted to see me, so I just sent down Gunthur.

Truth is, I've never felt this way about someone before. I want you all to myself which is incredibly selfish of me, this thing between us shouldn't even be a thing and it's wrong in so many ways on my part, it would make you happier if you could be with someone who isn't an old fuck like me, someone who knows how to be with you when you're crying, someone who can be romantic and bring out you're gorgeous smile and treat you properly like you deserve, because you don't deserve any of it"

Eren can't believe his ears as he hears Levi's confession, how can Levi say that? He's everything Eren could ever hope for, he's too perfect for words, absolutely flawless that it's really Eren who feels like the older man's affections are wasted on him, an impulsive brat instead of some beautiful mature women who doesn't cry like a child and whine like a brat.

It's Levi that doesn't deserve him.

But Levi is looking at him as if he's the most precious thing in the world, as if Eren _is_ his world as he brings a hand up to the brunette's cheeks to wipe the new tears that have started to slowly descend, the closest thing to a smile that Eren's ever seen graces Levi's lips as the silver pupils sadly look into the emerald gaze

"I love you, Eren"

For the second time that night Eren feels the tears run down his face like a waterfall, he's crying even harder than he had been before, which is saying something.

Eren crushes Levi's head towards himself, "Why- Why would tell me to go f-find someone else, then say that?" Eren sobs loudly, "Why would you say that now!?"

Levi's grip constricts tightly around him, "I'm being selfish" he says bluntly

Eren almost wants to call him an idiot for saying that because it's the complete opposite, but instead he says-

"I love you too, Levi"

The brunette doesn't give the older man a chance to respond as he presses their lips together into a kiss, slowly moving their mouths against one another breathing in eachother, engaging into one of the most passionate kisses they've ever shared, they take their time, not rushing eachother, each movement they make having purpose in their kiss.

They fall back with eachother on the bed that night.

And they wake up together in that dark, cold cell. Eren only now realizes the faint morning light shining through the cracks in the bricks as he feels the warmth of his love's arms wrapped around him.

 


	2. Selfish (I Want You All To Myself)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extra Side-Chapter:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song- Selfish By Pnb Rock

Levi knows he loves Eren.

He's known for quite a bit now, actually. Whether it was because of the boy's sweet saccharine smile, or addicting laugh or plainly part of the fact that he was just _so_ beautiful, Levi's not sure. Though, he has a feeling that it might be simply because it's Eren.

And Levi can't believe he does; love Eren. Eren who's still so young and still has yet to develop in the body and the mind and _fuck_ Levi's not supposed to be loving Eren. He shouldn't be putting a  shitty brat over the duty he's meant to set out, his job. Those boundaries that are set between a Superior and his subordinate that Levi's already crossed.

But it's really not his fault that everytime he's with Eren he's got that nagging want for him to be happy or how he feels himself grow fidgety whenever Eren laughs, actually laughs -for whatever reason- at his incredibly shitty jokes (which even he has to admit are a bit unbearable). Nonetheless, Eren's laugh is _stunning_ it's cute and bubbly and reminds Levi strongly of the way honey tastes.

Levi loves it. He doesn't even _like_   sweet things.

Yet, Levi absolutely fucking _adores_ how sweet Eren can be. Eren with his sweet words and sweet smile and sweet kiss. He's so completely attached to everything about the boy with messy-brown hair.

Levi knows (he fucking _knows_ okay?) probably in more depth and more understanding than anyone else that he shouldn't be with the boy. Aside from very much not deserving him, Levi's an adult. Eren (in the most technical and emotional sense) is still a child, a young boy, only forced to make those grown-up decisions (which doesn't make him any older) that no one near his age should have the responsibility to carry. 

However, Levi _wishes_  he'd at least restrained himself a bit more all those months back and stood his ground like the responsible adult he should've been. But he doesn't regret this choice he's made, he could never put that upon the boy- He could never _regret_ Eren.

Another alternate complication is that he simply just doesn't _deserve_   Eren _._ He almost gets the sense that no one deserves him, which is partly true.

But even considering these facts Levi's still _such_   an asshole too him, whether he's too harsh with his words, too rough in bed or just a bit too overbearing with his actions sometimes. The more unimaginable part of it is that Eren still stays with him. Levi who doesn't know a fucking thing about romance-  yet the brat still looks at him in that same way he'd done when they'd first met underneath that murky courthouse. With his flawless, ever-shifting eyes constantly portraying that same look of awe, respect and trust.

Even though on the inside, Levi _cares._ He cares an unbelievable amount for that boy who holds those gorgeous ocean bearing eyes; that he finds himself getting lost in on the daily and it's like he can't think straight when he looks right into them. But maybe that's the reason why he treats Eren the way he does, because he cares to much to fail Eren, to pour all his love out only for the handle to break off unexpectedly and shatter onto the filthy floor because at this rate he can't stand to lose Eren. For the sake of Levi losing the pieces of himself all over again.

Though if he were to be robbed of Eren in this life, Levi doesn't have to truly experience it to know the burn would feel far more worse, more so than losing all those comrades, than Farlan and Isabel. The pain could perhaps rival with that of when he'd lost his mother.

Maybe the rationality behind it is so he won't have too much clean-up afterwards.

Levi understands that there could come a day where he has to rip Eren from this world himself. Yet- _"I  can definitely kill Eren if he were to ever get out of control"_   doesn't seem so easy to do anymore. He wasn't supposed to get attached in general, instead he's managed to get  tied right up with the boy in this complicated array of feelings. He has to, though. He can't endanger the hope that humanity still clings onto, the world even, for the life of a single shitty brat.

But Eren's _his_   hope and he's definitely started to become his world.

Levi's not quite sure when or how he started thinking these things. Like he's stated before; he doesn't know anything _close_  to what the hell romance is. He knows what sex is but that's nowhere near to having a familiar grasp to romance or affection. He knows what hang-ups are but that has nothing to do with what a romantic relationship is and fuck- Levi can't even figure out whether they _are_   in one or not.

Safely, he assumes not. They've never even talked about that (most likely a result of Levi's lacking experience with 'matters of the heart', or so shit-glasses Hanji would call it).

Although, Levi knows even though they don't have a label, they're definitely not using each other for their own pleasure, they care for each other. They both know that (although Levi thinks Eren might not, both because he's an oblivious brat and because Levi can be so cold-hearted).

Regardless of what the shitty brat knows, Levi's thoughts more often than not are _constantly_ centered around Eren, he's always thinking about him, worrying about him, wondering if he's okay. Levi can't stand the thought of Eren being upset. Can't bear the sight of those green, gray-blue eyes carrying that mournful look of sadness. Nothing could ever make Levi feel more regretful so often than knowing if he'd been the one to cause such a sight.

It's even worse that Levi's not currently with him right now. In the physical sense.

Right now, Levi's in midst of the Capital. Unwillingly given the unlucky task of accompanying Erwin to all his shitty events, miles away from where the headquarters is located- Fuck if he knows how many.

He's been here for nearly a week and _Maria_   does he want to go back to the familiar routine of being with his squad, of being with Eren. Hell if he isn't missing the shitty brat by now, probably an important factor in why his mind is full of so many sappy feelings that they wouldn't usually hold.

Or perhaps he's just bored, because while he does get a break from shitty brats and his squad, he sure as hell doesn't get a break from all the damn paperwork that  Erwin, who without fail, manages to shit out at him for when they're not at these events.

But even if the paperwork would double if he goes back sooner, he can't find it in himself to give a single fuck, because back at headquarters (although there's dust and dirt lingering in every cranny) is where Eren is. The boy inside the castle that he desperately wants to be in close proximity to again.

Levi's never fallen for someone in his entire long as fuck life, but he doesn't need to be the most experienced liaison to know that falling so hard and so fast can't possibly be a good sign- not for him at least.

He can't be proud to be the only one who's ever gained the unspoken privilege to touch Eren intimately- can't be thinking that he only ever wants it to be him.

Certainly, jealousy shouldn't be a recurring feeling either. Especially when it's of people who are sure as hell more suitable for Eren than he could ever be.

But he can't fight that burning abscess deep in his chest. Full of envy everytime he catches sight of that boy who owns that obnoxious face of equine ancestry getting up in Eren's pretty face or that fuzzy blond guy with the big-ass shoulders who Levi knows is _for sure_  after the brunet's ass. Even that smaller blonde one, Levi can't help but feel will manage to get to close at times.

In truth, Levi wants the all of valuable boy to himself, not even sexually, but heart, soul and mind as well. The older man nearly feels as if he could give that in return.

Inevitably, Levi can't help but compare those words to be ones heavily associated with marriage.

He's even more confused (and slightly bothered) when he doesn't find himself repulsed by the idea of being bound for life to some shitty brat. The idea's not bad.

He shouldn't be thinking that most of all. He sure as hell isn't ever going to tell said shitty brat either.

So instead, he tucks it away in the far corner, keeping it mostly hidden but not invisible. Deciding it's been open long enough. He takes the lid, worn and weathered both from it's considerable age and as a result of it's countless experiences of since being damaged, the numerous times it's been repaired over and over.

The contents aren't many, but each one bears an incredibly heavy weight even Humanity's Strongest Soldier will admit to have trouble carrying sometimes. He'll acknowledge to struggling to keep hidden at certain times.

But he's becoming willing to open this box, let all of it's imperfections' be shown to that boy who's quickly becoming his everything.

Because Levi loves Eren and he doesn't mind keeping that secret in his box any longer to the one who holds his heart.

If Eren will want him.

**Author's Note:**

> Theres another bonus chapter to this, it's already on Wattpad of course but i'll probably post it tommorow. This also isn't my first work on there but it's my favorite out of all of them. Thank you for reading!


End file.
